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Joan Rivers Takes the Proust Questionnaire, February 1997

Where would you like to live? Eighteenth-century France, but with plumbing and plastic surgery.

How would you like to die? Coming offstage after a five-minute standing ovation, falling into the arms of my lover, and having the doctor look at me and say, “This is impossible! She looks much too young to go!”

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? Something small, like a flower … or an autumn leaf … or Jackie Chan.

What is your motto? I have two. The first is “Get on with it.” The second is “Don’t eat anything you pick up off the sidewalk.”

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Illustration by Risko.

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